2020 Reflection: The Highs, Lows, & Hopes for 2021

The clock had just struck twelve on January 1, 2020. Like every year, my parents and I shared mimosas while waiting for the countdown, the declaration of a new year, and in this case, a new decade. We had just said our “goodnights” and “happy new years” and while brushing my teeth I caught a glimpse of one of my greatest fears. I had not found one grey hair, but I had found two. I panicked, rushing over to my mum’s room to show her my horror. I sat with her, crying my eyes out in the early hours of the morning, acting as if my life was ending and not understanding how at twenty-one, I had found a few grey hairs. Little did I know that my many tears would foreshadow what a year 2020 would turn out to be.

I’ve said this before in a previous blog post but I’ll say it again, 2020 has been a hard year. Of course, the pandemic has played the lead role in the many changes that people have faced throughout the year, but like any other year, there are things that happen behind the scenes that few know about that are responsible for changes too.

The month of May in particular was a hard time for me. I, like the rest of the world, was still adjusting to our new way of life. The fact that we were expected to only leave the house for necessities in the fear of catching this new and highly contagious virus was anxiety-inducing enough. I had just been temporarily laid-off from work and I was also adapting to teaching myself the final few courses of my undergraduate degree, worrying how my GPA would be affected if I did poorly. While I have always been an independent learner, online learning was new to me and while I was learning the ropes, so were my fellow classmates and professors which caused more stress and confusion. Despite the pandemic, work, and school, I was coasting until someone very close to me had a health scare.

For the sake of their privacy, I will not provide too many details other than that they’re okay now and everything is fine. However, back in May, waiting weeks for their test results to come back, was quite possibly the darkest time I’ve faced.

I’m very fortunate that I’ve never lost someone close to me, so the mere thought of losing this person terrified me. I started re-evaluating what’s actually important, what deserves my attention versus what doesn’t. After I learned the news of the test results, sighed heavily in relief, and celebrated with them virtually, I connected with the people I’m the closest to about how we can better ourselves by putting a little more love and attention into what really matters - our health.

For instance, my family and I came together and started making better choices to fuel our bodies with good things. While the results of this decision have been so positive physically, I feel so good on the inside and at the end of the day, that is what really matters. I’ve considered speaking about my weight loss journey as a way of helping others who might want to do the same, but my journey is my journey and I worry that my experience may not help someone else. I also know that numerical amounts including weight lost or my current weight can be triggering for those who suffer from an eating disorder or feel anxiety regarding weight, so to respect those readers, I won’t disclose my numbers. All I will say is to focus on putting good things into you but not to focus too hard to the point that you overthink it. Be gentle, be patient, we’re only human after all.

As the months passed, time sort of blurred together. Our family pet, Peanut passed away in August of a stroke. I lost a close friendship. My mental health reached its lowest point. We continued to have difficult conversations as we all witnessed the heartbreaking unjust racial unrest not only in America, but all over the world. Over a million people have died from COVID-19. The large “newsworthy” events have shaped such a large part of our lives this year that it’s hard to remove ourselves from the narrative since we’re a part of it in one way or another.

While I can be pessimistic at times, I do try to see the good in all things so I must note that 2020 wasn’t all bad. I graduated from university. My brother started a post-secondary program he’s passionate about and excels at. I got my job back. My dad, who for the last eight years has travelled nearly 50% of the year for work hasn’t travelled since March. I’ve grown closer to my best friends. I’ve spent more time with my family than I have since I was a little girl before life just got too busy. And most importantly, my loved ones are healthy and safe. I can call my friends and family and know they’re okay when so many people can’t do the same and while that was something I’ve taken for granted before, I won’t anymore.

I guess the purpose of this reflection is to highlight what truly matters in life, and that’s the people around you. If 2020 has taught me anything, it’s to appreciate the people in your life and the time that you have with them because you don’t know what tomorrow will bring. The trivial things, like finding a few grey hairs on a twenty-one-year-old head don’t matter, it’s the people that will tell you that you look beautiful regardless that do.

I know a lot of people are wishing away 2020 with the hopes and expectations that 2021 is going to be better. Unfortunately, that isn’t guaranteed. We have no idea what 2021 will bring us. Another lockdown? More racial and political unrest? More division between groups of people and their beliefs? We don’t know, but the only thing that we can do to prepare is to look after ourselves and constantly connect with the people you love.

I truly hope that 2021 will bring us a better year than 2020. I also hope that you, whoever you are reading this is safe and healthy and that your loved ones are too. May 2021 be a year that we will look back on in years to come and think of the fond memories we have.

I want to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has supported my blog over the last year. This passion project of mine has brought me so much joy, and to hear from people that they appreciate my words truly means a lot.

I would like to thank my brilliant editor, Ankanee, for her exceptional editing skills and patience with me and my uncertainties when it came to this blog. I don’t think LITC would be possible without you, friend.

To my most dearest of friends, Leandra, Nikki, Bryanna, and Rebecca, thank you for your continued love and support, especially this year. I’m so grateful for you .

To my family, there’s no one I would’ve rather gone into lockdown with than you guys. We’ve come out of 2020 a stronger and closer family than before.

Treat today like there’s no tomorrow and spread a little more love everywhere you go.

I’ll see you in a few weeks.

Happy New Year.

xx Lex